I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
