but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
