Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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