I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
