Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
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I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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I deserve to be covered in dicks
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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