So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
