I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
