Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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