The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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