How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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