I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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