I think my fart just growled at me.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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