Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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