For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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