making cat noises will not fix the situation.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
