Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
