Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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