My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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