return my video game
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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