y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
