That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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