she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
