I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
