I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize