I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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