I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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