OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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