I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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