My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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