The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
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Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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