My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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