If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
