I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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