guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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