The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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