it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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