I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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