Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Randomize
