he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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