The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
