every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
