??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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