Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
