the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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