i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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