she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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