Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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