He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize