I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
