So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
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I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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