you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize