i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My feet surprised me
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize