dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
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I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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