Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
