Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
