The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize