i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
