my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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