she was so not down for the gang bang
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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