is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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