thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
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I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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