Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
